New Year, Same Struggle, Different Response

I honestly sat down to write about my 2017. As I sat contemplating it, I scrolled through social media and read everyone’s thoughts on their year. One thought gave me reason to rethink adding my thoughts into the puddle of social media. Why was I going to do it? What was my motivation? To compare how seemingly rough my year was to others’. Instead of giving you a straight overview of my year, I’m going to share a struggle that I think we all face.

Comparison runs rampant during this time and age. Laptops, Ipads, smart phones, and smart watches give us access to the internet, social media, online shopping, fitness gurus, and so much more. All of it is as close as our fingertips. There are a million different ways to filter and photoshop a picture. We re-write a caption over and over until it is witty and funny, but doesn’t sound like we are trying too hard. Nothing gets posted until it has been polished to perfection. Why? Because we want to put up a front of how we want others to view us. This front comes in many different shapes. There is the “super polished, everything is perfect, we have it figured out” shape. There is the “my life is in shambles and I want everyone to feel sorry for me” shape. There is the “I’ve got problems, but look at how great I’m handling them” shape. And there is the rest of us. The ones who take pictures, but don’t post them. The ones who type the post and then delete it. The ones who scroll through their social media feeling more and more inferior, because they don’t fit. This is a shape all of its own.

It has become so easy to compare our lives to others. The thoughts of “her life is better than mine,” “he makes more than me,” “they have it all together,” or “at least I’m doing better than that” permeate our thinking. We each would be lying if we didn’t have these thoughts daily, myself included. The problem is that this way of comparing yourself steals your joy and sense of contentment. When you place your life up against someone else, you will always come up short. There will always be something different that you would rather have or be. What then? You spend more money, take twenty pictures of that cup of coffee before you post it, and go to the gym three times a day. Does that bring happiness? Will it make you feel content with the direction your life is going?

Don’t get me wrong. We should always be growing closer to God and striving to be better people. There is nothing wrong with striving to do better. Where we start going wrong, is when we change to please others; when we hide our brokenness to prove we are whole.

I sat down here to tell you how my 2017 was. I was going to write about how God was faithful and my friends and family supported me through a rough year. Then I thought, “Wow, this year WAS rough. Maybe I’ll write about how I had two knee surgeries, visited a doctor in Chicago, nearly severed my toe, tore my ligaments again, still had trouble with my heart, and had a rough year at work.” However, I was going to use it all as the front I wanted to show you and everyone else on my social media. I actually wrote this several days ago and kept tweaking it, because I wasn’t comfortable with the result. That only serves to prove my point and I cannot delay it any longer, because it would not actually be what I took from 2017.

Instead, I faced a hard lesson that I’m still not sure I have learned. God is in control and His timing is just that. His. It is not mine, nor will He change something just to fit in my timing. This has caused a strain on my relationship with Him. I have and still am struggling to accept that He knows what He is doing in my life. Instead of using what He has brought me through to help others, I have faced them with bitterness that their lot is easier than mine. Instead of digging deeper into His Word, I distract myself so I don’t think about it. When people asked if things are okay, I answer, “Yeah sure, it’s going.”

I am having a difficult time facing the fact that God has chosen a path for me that I honestly do not want. A path with more questions than answers. A path that strongly shapes my future. This year, I have let my frustration distance myself from my Creator, which of course only causes more issues. I find myself beginning 2018 broken. Not quite ready to release control, but tired of running from God and His plan for me. Brokenness is in all of us. Instead of comparing it, the correct answer is who needs to hear this? How can I share this to help others in their walk with God and in our friendship. This is not a “New Year, New Me” moment. It is more of a “New Year, Same Struggle, Different Response” moment. Here’s to 2018. May you and I strive to compare less, share your brokenness, and embrace where God is taking you.

"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance."

Romans 5:3

~Rachel